


Ren

by andthentheres_you



Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, kind of????, this is my first fic i'm not good with tags, what does any of this mean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-09
Updated: 2014-07-09
Packaged: 2018-02-08 04:16:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1926393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andthentheres_you/pseuds/andthentheres_you
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was just a word, a simple nickname thrown into conversation, but when he heard it, Kieren froze.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ren

**Author's Note:**

> This idea came to me when I made a post on Tumblr saying that if Simon ever called Kieren 'Ren' I would never be okay with it. This is what I imagine would go through Kieren's mind if it did happen.
> 
> There is a lot of angst but there is also a tiny lil bit of fluff added in for good measure. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy it!
> 
> (Thank you to ilikedthewayhegaveback and rottersofroarton on Tumblr for your help!)

It was just a word, a simple nickname thrown into conversation, but when he heard it, Kieren froze. It didn't sound right. It sounded strange, unfamiliar, like it had been spoken from the wrong lips. And really, it had. Instead of the usual Northern accent the word had to it, it was replaced by a thick Irish one. Kieren didn't like it. It didn't fit. He couldn't help feeling guilty; he cared about Simon a lot and even though their relationship wasn't perfect, he was happy. But… _no._ That word, that name, wasn't his to use.

Kieren still thought about Rick. More than he was willing to admit. He still had his paintings and drawings of Rick in his room, he still had the box of memories he and Rick had shared. He couldn't bring himself to throw any of it away, and he probably never would. It didn't mean he cared about Simon any less, or that he was holding onto the past. He knew Rick wasn't coming back, and that was okay. That was okay. But he couldn't forget.

_"Kieren?"_

Of course, his parents didn't mention Rick anymore. Neither did Jem. Kieren knew it was partly because they didn't want to upset him, but it was also because, well, the Walkers often swept things under the rug. He didn't know how to feel about it. He was grateful; he knew they were looking out for him. He also felt slightly angry, because he knew, for them, it was the easiest thing to do. It happened a lot; Kieren being a PDS sufferer, not being able to eat - he still found himself being presented with food that his family knew he had no way of digesting. Even Maggie being murdered just outside their home was never mentioned, never acknowledged. Jesus Christ, his father had brought up the _weather_ the next morning. But that’s just how it is. Forget it happened, don’t talk about it and everything will be easier. Ignore it. Ignore it.

Kieren couldn't. He couldn't ignore the pain he still felt every time he walked past the abandoned Macy house. He couldn't ignore the urge to keep visiting Rick’s grave.

_"Kieren?"_

He couldn't ignore Simon using that nickname. Because yes, Kieren still had his paintings of Rick, he still had the photographs and the postcard, but out of everything, nothing could compare to that name.

He thought about the last time he had heard it, the last time he thought he would ever hear it. It happened shortly after Rick was killed. Again. 

Kieren had listened, eyes closed, as it played back to him from the answering machine. Jem informed him that she had heard the message herself, before, but had never got round to deleting it. She told Kieren that honestly, she didn't want to delete it. Not without giving Kieren the option to listen to it first.

' _Ren, it's me, you're in danger…_ ' Kieren could have laughed when he heard that. He did. He laughed through his tears. Because it was just so _cruel;_ not only was Rick gone, but the last time he would hear that nickname, from the person who had mattered the most, was over, what, a computer?

They deserved more than that. That name deserved more than that. It was woven through the memories Kieren and Rick shared. Through laughter, through tears. Through whispers in the cave, permanently etched on the cave wall itself. Even through silence. ‘ _Ren + Rick 4ever_ ’. It was everywhere, and it was everything, and it was _theirs_.

"Kieren!"

Kieren snapped back to reality, becoming conscious of the fact that he hadn't spoken for longer than what would be considered normal. As he looked at Simon, he noticed various emotions flicker across the Irishman's face. Confusion… curiosity… concern.

"What’s wrong?"

Kieren looked down. "Uh... that nickname... Rick used to...”

Simon knew what had happened to Rick, of course he did. He knew what Rick was to Kieren. Amy had told him what she knew. Kieren filled in the gaps on one of the days he felt okay with talking about it. He didn't mention the nickname. He couldn't bring himself to. Simon didn't know about it. It wasn't Simon’s fault.

Nevertheless, the next thing he knew, Simon’s arms were around him, holding him close, allowing Kieren to return the hug and bury his face in Simon’s shoulder as he listened to the soft murmur.

"…’m sorry."

And despite everything, Kieren smiled. Nothing was fixed, and maybe it never would be. 

But it didn't mean he cared about Simon any less, or that he was holding onto the past. 

He knew Rick wasn't coming back, and that was okay.

_That was okay._


End file.
